SUMMER MADNESS
Bill Shipp

We may have found demonstrable evidence that Darwin was wrong after all. Not all men evolved from monkeys. In fact, some may have evolved into monkeys - right here in Georgia - on a stifling summer day in A.D. 2007. Paleontologists are ready to dig.

In a mechanically cooled conference room located about 100 miles north of the Fall Line, a group of distinguished Georgia lawmakers sat down with a group of "scientists" last week and decided global warming was mostly bunk. They also determined that they and their fellow homo sapiens were not responsible for fouling the atmosphere.

The temperature outside the meeting hall hovered between 98 and 102 degrees Fahrenheit. We were (are) experiencing the longest heat wave in Georgia history. Crops have been left wilted and burned in the fields as a result of yet another recordlong drought. In metro Atlanta, a code red had been posted for the fifth straight day on air so foul that it had become lethal. The Atlanta atmosphere is toxic because we the people made it that way. There's no doubt about that.

Whether we are totally responsible for melting the polar ice cap might be worthy of debate at MIT, the UN and Congress, though many rational observers believe that discussion ended long ago. The pressing question now is how we can slow the warming trend. Whether spending time and tax funds on discussing global warming is germane to the responsibilities of the Georgia Legislature is doubtful.

"In the media, we hear the gloom-and-doom side," declared Rep. Jeff Lewis, R-White, chairman of the House Energy, Utilities and Telecommunications Committee that conducted the meeting. While people without AC were falling out all over the state, Rep. Lewis advised, "There is alternative information out there [about global warming]."

Where would we find such information? Perhaps some of Rep. Lewis' colleagues could help. Georgia Rep. Bennie Bridges, R-Cleveland, runs with a crowd that believes the Earth is stationary on its axis and the notion of a constantly moving universe is part of an ancient Jewish conspiracy. That's what I call creative thinking. I'll bet these same folks could reassure us that the sweat running down our backs and the wheezing from our lungs are simply illusions created by liberals and cable TV.

When Rep. Lewis' committee completes its report on how Al Gore made up the story of polar bears running out of ice, the panel might lower its sights back to Georgia. They could consider an environmental assessment of the Peach State compiled by noted conservation advocate Neill Herring.

Titled "Worse Than Sherman's March through Georgia to the Sea?" Herring's report includes several trends that he equates with a savage scorched-earth military campaign. Among them are:

• More trees cut, more land paved, more dirt in streams. • Coastal development set to explode. • Public financing and taxing powers proposed for builders. • Private cities: Pulp mills become developers. • Serious scrutiny of growth policy unwelcome.

Herring might have added:

• Atlanta leads nation in commute times; metro traffic never worse; air pollution breaks records.

• State's five-year-old promise to synchronize traffic lights shelved.

• Water crisis looms.

• Some local governments eye special sales tax to abate congestion and pollution.

• Decline in quality of life could have long-term economic impact.

• Value of governor's recently acquired land portfolio soars.

Rep. Lewis' hearing on global warming didn't get much ink or air time outside Georgia. National and international editors tossed the stories because they thought their Southern news bureaus, overcome by the heat, were hallucinating. As any psychiatrist will tell you, a person poking fun at the sun's rays in the middle of a 100-degree scorcher is probably nuts and should be locked up and allowed to cool off.

It is not too late for Jeff to redeem himself. He can reconvene his committee, tell everyone he is feeling better and take up the water-supply issue or energy conservation. Soon, people will forget the August ha-ha about the temperatures. They will no longer think of Jeff and his committee as a band of haywire highland monkeys suffering midsummer delirium.

You can reach Bill Shipp at P.O. Box 2520, Kennesaw, GA 30156.