An e-mail buddy sent me the following concerning contradictory terms or an oxymoron. I thought it was worthy of passing along for a good chuckle.

Why is the “third” hand on watches called the “second” hand? Why do “tug” boats “push” their barges? Why are they called “stands” when they are made for “sitting?” Why are “wise man” and “wise guy” opposites? Why is “phonics” not spelled the way it sounds? If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting? Doesn’t “expecting the unexpected” make the unexpected expected? Why does “slow down” and “slow up” mean the same thing?

Why do we put “suits” in “garment” bags and “garments” in a “suitcase?” Why doesn’t glue stick to the inside of the bottle? Why do we call it a TV “set” when it is only “one?” Christmas – what other time of the year do you sit in front of a dead tree and eat candy out of your socks? Why do we drive on a “parkway” and park on a “driveway?” Why does “fat chance” and “slim chance” mean the same thing? Why do we say something is out of “whack?” What is a whack?

I don’t know. Why do we do that?

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Here is another one from an e-mail buddy that is sure to make you smile. “Dear Lord,” the minister began, with arms extended toward heaven and a rapturous look on his upturned face, “without you, we are but dust...” He would have continued but at that moment my very obedient daughter who was listening leaned over to me and asked quite audibly in her shrill little four year old girl voice, “Mom, what is butt dust?”

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Happy birthday this week to: Patricia Mincey, Tim Clark, Cori Brinson, Ray Roberts, Tyiese Cooper, Willie Baldwin, Johnnie M. Green, Demarius Baldwin, Marshella Herrington, Emily Pierce, Carroll Gay, Chasity Wilkerson, Melvin Dickey, Scoot Jenkins, Don Hopkins and Megan Fields.

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Military Active Duty List: PV2 Jeremy Johnson, U.S. Army, 59th Quartermaster Company, Ft. Carson, Colorado; Ronnie Perryman, Charlie Troop, 108th Calvary Division, 4th Platoon, Afghanistan; Lance Cpl. Adam Lanier, U.S. Marines, 8th & I Marine Barracks, Washington, D.C.; E-4 Sr. Airman Roy Davis, U.S. Air Force, RAF Molesworth, United Kingdom; Lance Cpl. Patrick Barnette, U.S. Marines, Baharia, Iraq; Sgt. Adam Demshar, 44th Signal Battalion, Baghdad, Iraq; Cpl. Lee Ogden, U.S. Marines, Camp Pendleton, CA; E5 Petty Officer 2nd Class Eric B. Kelsey, U.S. Navy, NSA Naples, Italy; Senior Airman Charles F. Woods, Moody Air Force Base, Valdosta, GA; Stuart Burrus, U.S. Air Force, Osan AFB, Korea; SPC 4 Travis D. Motes, 1st Calvary Division, T. Hood, Texas; Capt. Donald Slade Burke, 735th Air Mobility Squadron Detachment 1 Commander, Richmond Royal Australian AFB, Richmond, Australia; Staff Sgt. Gilbert C. Sheppard III, 48th Brigade, 118th Field Artillery, Iraq; Petty Officer 3rd Class Jamie A. Yager, U.S. Navy, Marine Corps Base Hawaii; Petty Chief Officer Andy D. Crosby, U.S. Navy, Elroy Destroyer, Norfolk, Va.; Stephanie Crosby, R.N., U.S. Navy, Lafayette Destroyer; Jimmy Cooper, U.S. Army National Guard, 878th Engineering Battalion-Augusta, Persian Gulf ; 1st Lt. J.R. Taylor, 2nd Brigade Combat Team, 25th Infantry Division, Iraq; SPC. Daniel Stuart, 18th MEDCOM, 121 General Hospital, Seoul, Korea; Jeffrey Sweat, U.S. Navy, USS Kauffman, MM3 59/EDivision, A-Gang, Norfolk, Va.; Cpl. Larry Lamont Clark, U.S. Marine Corp, 2nd Marine Expeditionary Force, Camp Lejeune, N.C. Bagdad, Iraq; Khan Young, U.S. Navy, U.S.S. Kitty Hawk, Persian Gulf; Robert Milton Jr., E-3, U.S. Army, Ft. Stewart, Hinesville, Ga., Mission Kuwait; Arnold R. Mosley, 2nd Lt., U.S. Air Force, Randolph AFB, Texas; and Debra A. Mosley, Tech. Sgt., U.S. Air Force, Randolph AFB, Texas; and SPC Charles “C.J.” Amerson, U.S. Army, Camp Adder, Iraq.