2017-08-23 / Editorials

Mike Reese

“I was just thinking”

As you probably already know, Washington, DC doesn’t have a lock on spiraling stupidity. It’s like a cancer metastasizing throughout the nation. I can’t say for certain but stupidity’s growth seems to run parallel with internet growth. But, maybe, we’ve always been this stupid, and it’s just that our stupidity is more evident now due to Internet this, Snapchat that, Facebook as our new Bible, and tweets are our new breakfast cereal. Thank you, Mr. Chief Tweeter.

Practically every instance of stupidity you might read in a morning paper, you very likely had already learned about on your TV, phone, or laptop the day or night before. “Hot off the press” just doesn’t have that zing any longer. I remember reading newspaper headlines in the 60s, 70s, and 80s reacting to them with maybe disbelief, shock, amazement, or ho hum sometimes. Now ho hum is the normal reaction. Morning news is now old news. News cycles used to be measured every 24 hours, now moment to moment we record and transmit our growing stupidity.

Here are a few examples that are lurking just waiting to be Tweeted, Snapchatted, or Facebooked. A woman called in to the road department of a California town to report that a kangaroo had been hit by a car on one of the city’s streets. She wanted the kangaroo removed before someone else hit the kangaroo carcass. City workers responded to find a large raccoon deceased in the road. Lady, add the National Geographic channel to your TV package.

Another lady bought a rooster. Two days later she had placed the rooster on E-Bay. She didn’t realize that every sun-up would be accompanied with rooster crowing. She could have asked any second grader what to expect from a rooster in the early morning. Again, there’s Nat Geo Channel ma’am.

A man robbed a liquor store and murdered the clerk. The crime went unsolved for four years, but he was stopped for a routine traffic stop. An alert officer noticed a huge chest tattoo depicting in several cartoon-like frames the entire robbery and murder he’d committed. Busted! Judge, please add a supplemental ten years for remarkable stupidity.

A woman bragged on FB that she’d robbed a bank using a stolen car along with a photo of her leaning on the stolen car. Cops report that FB is like having hundreds of additional investigators. Thugs and punks keep posting. Your local police support you 100%.

A man tweeted that there was no need to worry about North Korea. He asked, “How are nukes supposed to reach us if North Korea is across the map from us?” I don’t have the words for a response.

A science museum in Dallas had an event for the city’s students scheduled on eclipse day. A concerned parent went to her trusty FB page and asked other Facebookers to call the local Board of Education and request that the eclipse viewing be rescheduled because it was planned on a school day. Mr. Sun, Mr. Moon could you maybe step it up a bit and……..?

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